Is He The One?

Life is going to be filled with difficult choices.  The people you choose to surround yourself with can be a deciding factor in whether you see the glass half full, or half empty.  Pregnancy can bring many questions that are life changing to mind. Is the father of the baby the right one for me? How much input should he have in my decision making about the pregnancy? Should I carry this baby to term, or end the pregnancy because of my circumstances? The reality, in being pregnant, is that any choice you make will have long term consequences. The question then becomes which set of consequences will you be most able to move forward from.

Let’s start with the question is he the right one for me. Here are three points to consider. First of all, do you have to do anything to get him to want to spend time with you? If you do, you might consider if the feelings he may tell you he has are for you, or for what you do for him. True love is content to be around someone. There shouldn’t have to be alcohol, sex, or other things involved for there to be enjoyment. You shouldn’t have to clean someone’s house for them to love being around you.

Second, are you able to tell him how you feel about anything without an argument? Does he both hear and listen to you? It is important to know you are safe in discussing things, regardless of your views. Relationships based on love allow for change and growth. You should be able to express your views without fear of being judged, belittled or harmed.

Third, does he take responsibility for his actions? Blame shifting and shaming are signs that can point to trouble. It takes two people to conceive a baby, it is never the responsibility of just one person. If there is blame or shame being placed on you, proceed with caution in continuing the relationship. Not accepting responsibility can be a sign of immaturity.  This can be devastating and hard to handle.

Relationships are difficult. If you haven’t seen or been in good relationships, you may not know what a truly bad one is. So, it can be helpful to speak with someone outside your relationship for guidance. Counselors can give you insight on what to look for and what might be best to stay away from. They can also give you material to read about healthy relationships, which will help you develop some knowledge of healthy relationships. It will better equip you to decide if he is the one for you or not.

There was a time in my life that I thought because I got pregnant, God and the universe were saying he was the man for me. I was wrong. It turns out we ended up divorced when our daughter was two. I knew there were issues, yet I thought that the mere fact I was pregnant was a sign that things would work out with him. Being pregnant does not mean he is the one for you. It means you had sex and conceived a child. Do not confuse the two. It wouldn’t be wise to allow someone who doesn’t value you, to make life changing decisions for you. Only you should choose what you do moving forward. Parenting, adoption and ending the pregnancy are all life changing choices. You have the ability to educate yourself and decide what you think is best for you and the life you are carrying. You are strong, you have come this far. Regardless of what you decide there is support and a safe space at Salem Pregnancy Care Center.